The things we say

“I think you have a frog in your throat.”

 “I think it’s a buffalo.”

  [Pause]

“Do you know when we say buffalo most of the time we mean bison?”

“Stop pecking at your nails”

“The hand… and the red….”

“M&M’s are magic.”

“I like the chopped up skin pieces.”

“He turned his girlfriend into a sci-fi heroine.”

"I wish my body was socialist."

"Um... there's a pirate running down the street…"

"What is that smell I smell that smells smelly?"

“Would you fry bacon off of those arms?  I could eat soup off of his abs.”

 “I'm angrier than a midget in a hurdle competition”

“I think she should just marry a four-year-old.”

“This is just way too much incest for one day.”

“I’m putting the computer in my pants.”

“My shirts coming off!”

“Yummyness smells like deliciousness.”

“Where is Jake’s body?”

“It tastes like Tinkerbelle.”

“I’m basking in your patheticness”

“We totally invented cheers. You British stole it from us.”

“You have to microwave them, then bake them, then put them in a Crockpot for six hours. What kind of baked beans recipe is this?”

“I love it! I want to be dirty all the time!”

“What does study mean? I thought it meant look at the book really hard.”

“I wanted to be secret lovers.”

“It’s a French peck.”

“I was going to tell you guys about my weekend but I forgot.”
“Did it have something to do with vegetables?”

“The trees smell like fish”

“The last time I went there the tiger population was effecting the geese population.”

“Actually, it’s the communist population.”

“Which would you rather eat- a pig or a cow?”

“It’s the Inquisition on steroids.”

“He wasn’t very nice. He was a dragon and wanted to take revenge. And he was naked.”

"If we are what we eat... does that make cannibals the only real people?"

Stake Conference Part Two

The other day I realized I forgot a very important part of my latest Stake Conference adventure.  Sunday after conference we were driving back to our apartments. Because almost everyone in our stake lives in the same complex pretty much everyone around us on the road was coming from UVU to our complex, just like us. When we hit a stop light I turn to look at the car next to us, and something bizarre took place. A boy about my age opened the back door of the car, walked around to the side of the road, picked up a big rock (there were decorative rocks along the edge of the road), went back to the car and shut the door.  A few seconds later the light changed and we all drove off, everyone in my car laughing and very confused. Probably my favorite part about this was that he left the car door open as he grabbed his rock. And he was so matter-of-fact about it, like this was something completely normal. 

My question is- what was the rock for? Maybe it was destined to become a pet rock and he was going to name it Steve. Or maybe he needed a way to prop his apartment door open. Or a new paper weight? It was pretty big to be a paper weight. Anyways, I thought it was pretty great. It's the kind of thing that only happens around teenagers.

And on a side note, if you are ever in need of a good laugh, convince your roommates to do restorative yoga. I couldn't concentrate on my homework. I was sorely tempted to video-tape it and then put it on here so everyone would know what I mean, but I decided to show mercy on my friends. Besides, they know where I sleep. Revenge would be all too easy for them.

Starburst Commercial

I know I'm posting twice in one day, but I can't resist. This is my favorite commercial in a long time. My roommate and I have been quoting it non-stop since we first saw it.

A long overdue post on my adventures last weekend

I have been planning on this post since last Saturday and just haven't had the time. Well, I 've decided to make time. So there ninja homework and tutorial video. You'll just have to wait.
Last weekend was Stake Conference. For those who aren't LDS, it's basically just a really big church meeting, and there's an adult meeting Saturday night. I got a ride from one of my friends to the Saturday meeting. We were going to be late because we had to pick someone up from work, but we figured we could all be just a few minutes late.
Unfortunately, there were two basketball games in the area that night, and we got caught in traffic. And then somehow... we got totally and completely lost. The place we were going to wasn't very far, yet we ended up on the highway. So basically we came at the building from the opposite direction.
Guess how much of the conference session we made it to?
Twenty minutes.
It was an excellent twenty minutes.
We laughed about it the whole time, and thankfully we were on time to the session the next day. It was very spiritual, every speaker did a great job.

Weekly humiliation

Humiliating myself has always been a fact of my life. I did it about once a day in high school. Thankfully the number of times I do something dumb has gone down significantly since coming to college. I think its because I'm no longer surrounded my a certain group of friends that somehow always manage to get me to say dumb things. That or scare me to death just by poking me in the side.

Anyways...

Last night I humiliated myself once again. I was going to have a fantastic expensive (for me) dinner to celebrate that the week was almost over. I've had one of those insane college weeks where you're up until midnight doing homework and still just barely manage to stay on top of everything. So I was going to reward myself for staying alive and have three whole courses for dinner. A salad, lemon chicken, and rice. The salad turned out great, I ate it while working on getting the rest of my dinner ready. Well... about 20 minutes into my rice cooking my roommate asks me if I smell something burning. 

There was one problem with this question. I don't smell. I always tell people that my sense of smell non-existent. I can only smell food well enough to be able to taste it (I learned in 9th grade biology that part of how we taste food is by smelling it. I'm assuming this is correct.). We both rushed over to the stove and when I lifted the lid off my pan there was a black clump of rice sticking to the bottom of my pan. It started smoking when we took the lid off. 

This is my third time burning rice. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I honestly don't. I've made rice before at home, but for some reason it just doesn't turn out here. We quickly opened the windows to try to keep the smoke alarm from going off. After a couple minutes when it was still smoking I put water in the pan to let the rice soak and carried it outside to sit in front of our apartment for a few hours. 

When we came home today it still smelt funky in our apartment. This is what it looked like when we first set it outside:

I think I'm cursed. 

College funnies once again

Before I tell my funny moment for this week (they seem to be happening a lot. I love it), I want to introduce the new section to my blog. You probably noticed the picture of stairs to the right of this post. From now on I will occasionally put up pictures from my college life. Unfortunately, I won't be putting up pictures of people. Violation of privacy and all that stuff. But I will put up funny or cool things. This picture is actually neither of those. It is death. I climb these stairs every day. There are over 100 of them if I counted right. I hate those stairs.
But back to my funny moment. In my American Heritage class the professor was trying to do an object lesson about economies. He had a box of donuts and was going to sell them to the highest bidder. I thought it was a very clever idea, but that isn't what was funny. The crazy part was how much the box went for. I'm sure its a record. Are you ready for this?
FIFTY DOLLARS.
For 12 stinkin' donuts. I think that's ridiculous. There are plenty of places on and around campus where this particular student could have gone to get the exact same donuts for like $5. I was floored. So was the professor. He was pretty excited (and a little guilty) about getting so much money for them. I don't understand how a college student felt they could spend that much on donuts.
She must have been very, very hungry.

Funny moment

I'm in the library and the funniest thing just happened. I have to post about it before I forget. This guy sat down at a table next to mine and turned on his computer. He must have been listening to music earlier because it began to blast out of his computer. He panicked and hit a bunch of buttons but it didn't turn off for whatever reason. So, he closed it. The music still played. And this wasn't classical, light, library music. It was rock. He stuffs the computer in his backpack, but of course everyone can still hear it. At this point I'm pretty sure everyone was watching him, and he knew it. The poor guy pulls his laptop back out, reaches across the table to his friends computer, yanks out his headphones and sticks them in his computer.
I was having a very hard time not laughing. Both boys were incredibly embarrassed.It pretty much made my day. I love the little quirks of college life.

Note worthy Moment

Something absolutely hilarious happened last night. Before I begin, remember, I'm in college.

Once upon a time there were two girls sitting around in their dorm room. It was growing late, and both knew they should be doing homework but unfortunately exhaustion had caught up with them and both were watch tv on their computers.
Suddenly, out of the blue, there was a thud on the window. One of the girls looked up, but didn't think much of it. Because, being a college student she had grown accustomed to strange things happening every night at midnight.
When the thud sounded again the two girls looked at each other before racing to the window. They pulled the blinds up with a quick, sure movement to reveal six boys standing on the grass below. At the sight of the two girls the six began to mutter amongst themselves.
"You have the wrong window, don't you?" Inquired one of the girls.
"Yeah...." One of the boys yelled up in an abashed voice. "Do you want some black licorice?"
The maidens declined the offer and closed the blinds, barely restraining their laughter. When the boys were gone they broke into a fit of laughter that lasted nearly ten minutes.
In the distance they could hear the boys trying the next window over, to no avail. The girls realized they would remember this moment forever and both decided to blog about it.

The End

There, wasn't that a great story? I thought it was wonderful. It made my week. Hope you all have a great week too! Don't let your head fall too far out of the clouds, no matter how busy you get.

Grocery store adventures

Today as I was preparing to do laundry I realized something. Something I was missing. Something important. Can you guess what it was?
Laundry soap.
Thankfully, one of my roommates was kind enough to share hers with me. I used it, but I was determined to get laundry soap so it would never happen again. I was told one of my roomies was going to the grocery store just off campus and at the other end. I asked her if I could go with and then off we went to start our adventure for the day!
We rode the bus (I hate busses, by the way) to the grocery store. After going through the whole store I managed to avoid buying any sweets and didn't buy too much. Now done with our shopping we proceeded back to the bus stop and waited, enjoying a delightful conversation.
Well, once on the bus I noticed by bag was dripping. Wincing, I opened the bag and revealed that my windex lid had loosened. And leaked all over everything. I took my wallet out and left the rest because I didn't have the hands to hold it. And, yes, I tightened the lid.
And THEN I looked around and noticed that my sunglasses looked kind of funny.
They were broken.
One of the ear side pieces had broken off. Don't ask me how.
I find it a little ironic, because that's how my last pair broke. I wonder if it was even the same side? I have no idea.
So, I walked back to our apartment, trying to not be too angry. (I wasn't doing a very good job.)
This story does have a good ending, I promise.
Nothing was ruined, not even the usb stick on my keys. And I still have plenty of windex left, I didn't lose as much as I imagined.
The moral of this story: annoying things make good blog posts.
And I saved money going to this further grocery store, even with paying for the bus.
(And I got syrup for my french toast. YUM!)
Ah the joys of college.